Comfort and Chizuk: Chai Lifeline Helps Families Cope in the Aftermath of Accident
It was a scene of absolute horror for families who had come to celebrate Chanukah at Chanukah Wonderland in Cedarhurst. One moment they were enjoying the games and attractions, the next, they watched in terror as a car plowed through the storefront, hitting injuring fourteen people seriously enough to be hospitalized. In an instant, an afternoon of fun had turned into a nightmare for more than a hundred children and their families. Chai Lifeline social worker Zahava Farbman, CSW, was running errands when her Blackberry buzzed. Looking quickly, she saw an item from Yeshivanet reporting only the barest details. She quickly forwarded the email to Dr. Norman Blumenthal, director of Project C.H.A.I., Chai Lifeline’s crisis intervention services department. “I felt helpless,” she recalled afterwards. “I was in the area. Was I just going to drive by? Norman and I got there as the last of the ambulances was leaving the area. People were still on the scene, crying in horror and shock.”
Within a few minutes, Mrs. Farbman and Dr. Blumenthal were making their way to the nearby firehouse, and then to the home of Rabbi Zalman and Chanie Wolowik, to speak to the teenage girls who had been working at Chanukah Wonderland.
“I was so happy that someone reached out right away to take care of the people who had been involved,” said Mrs. Wolowik. “They took a weight off my shoulders, and allowed me to do other things for the families.” Dr. Blumenthal, Mrs. Farbman, and Andy Lauber, LMSW, all Five Towns residents, worked closely with Chabad to ease the anxiety of parents and offer comfort to everyone affected by the accident. “We immediately set up a 24-hour hotline for people who needed counseling or advice on how to help their children through the trauma,” Mrs. Wolowik stated. “Several organizations had volunteered to help us. We created a list for our website, and Chai Lifeline was the top name.” Zahava confirmed that the three responded to calls throughout Friday, and then began again after Shabbos. “The responses were diverse, but not unexpected. They ranged from ‘My children are still scared. They’re having nightmares’ to ‘The person next to me was hurt’ to ‘My children aren’t sleeping. They are reliving the accident.’ We spoke with dozens of people who had been on the scene, providing information on comforting their children, helping them to deal with their own emotions and anxiety by normalizing and validating their feelings.”
Chai Lifeline, Chabad offer community-wide assistance As the wounded were brought to area hospitals, Mr. Lauber and Chai Lifeline case manager Chani Reichenberg were there to offer comfort and concrete assistance to families. Rabbi and Mrs. Wolowik organized the community, marshalling volunteers who visited hospitals, provided Shabbos food to affected families, and said tehillim for the injured.
For those who had been inside Chanukah Wonderland, and for their friends and neighbors, the emotional trauma was as devastating as the physical injuries. Rabbi Wolowik invited Dr. Blumenthal to give parents concrete advice on how to best help children in distress. Fifty fathers and mothers joined the psychologist for lessons on how to help their children cope with their experiences.
“With young children, if parents convey a sense of confidence and safety, children will pick up on it. That’s even more important than the words you use. Older children understand the concept of the breadth of time. They know that something like this is a one-in-a-million occurrence,” he told the group.
Mrs. Farbman agreed. “It’s normal for children to have some sort of response to this horror. Depending on the age, they might cry, act out, talk, or draw their feelings. The reactions and fears should subside over a few weeks. If the reaction seems extreme or lasts longer than a month, parents should consider talking to someone.”
Twenty-five mothers spent four hours with Mrs. Farbman last week. “Mothers often have a unique set of challenges in dealing with situations like these. Thankfully, everyone who was physically hurt will mend. But there is emotional scarring. One mother with whom I spoke was afraid to let her children see her, because she thought the stitches on her face would frighten them. Another mother has a child who will need reconstructive surgery. The boy was traumatized when he looked in the mirror. The mothers’ group empowers moms to support one another by talking about their own responses and feelings. The bond between them will give each chizuk in dealing with their families,” she explained.
Chai Lifeline’s experience has been that children bring their memories, fears and emotions into the classroom. Mrs. Farbman and Mr. Lauber contacted all the area schools to offer their expertise and brief mental health staffs on what might happen when children returned to school after Chanukah.
“Through Project C.H.A.I., which offers crisis intervention education and programs following untimely death that affects students, we have developed relationships with many schools serving Five Towns children. Of course, we were ready to help once again.” “The terror that gripped people who witnessed the occurrence or heard of what happened at Chanukah Wonderland will have long lasting impact for children and adults,” said Rabbi Simcha Scholar, Chai Lifeline’s executive vice president. “The quick response of Project C.H.A.I. underscores what can happen when a community-based first responder system is in place. While we hope something like this never happens again, Project C.H.A.I.’s trained teams are ready to assist communities across the United States.”
Though the situation is still unfolding, the Wolowiks marveled at the community response. “Every organization has worked wonderfully with us and each other. The achdus is beautiful.”
Project C.H.A.I. is a program of the Bellows National Crisis Intervention Program, one of Chai Lifeline’s two dozen, year-round emotional and social support services.
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